Kav and I survived part one and part two of our series where we have reviewed Action Comics #283. We are going to finish our review today, so get set for some Silver Age nonsense!
TONY: This panel is absolute madness. There is no way that Jimmy and Lois would had survived a gust of wind that would propel them '200 miles a minute'. A minute? Are you kidding me?! The highest wind speed of Hurricane Katrina was an estimated 175 mph. In case you need a bit of help, MPH stands for miles-per-hour.
TONY: Why is Supes tossing the kryptonite into the water? Shouldn't he destroy it to prevent future problems? Silly me and my rational thinking. I wish I had the energy to rant about a fictional character coming to life programmed with rational thoughts and feelings. *Sigh*
TONY: You'd think that the Chameleon Men would transform into something to stop Jor-El from creating an antidote. Nope, they just sit there and watch everything unfold. Good job, dummies. OK, if Superman wished his parents were there to help then were Ma and Pa Kent the real Kent's or were they figments of Superman's imagination? Also, were Jor-El and Lara the real ones who perished on Krypton or were they also figments of Superman's imagination? Because if he could get Jor-El and Lara back then he would, right? YOU ANGER ME, SILVER AGE COMICS!
TONY: Wouldn't Superman suffer some major facial burns from breathing fire? How messed up would his internal organs be after shooting a ball o'flame out of his big mouth? I loved how he had a 'tingling sensation' when he breathed fire for the first time. This calls for a silly YouTube link. Click here for fun.
TONY: I love how Clark destroys the intercom and then uses his Superman powers to get the smoke out of the room. Clark should have gone to college and roomed with some stoners. The second to the last panel was ridiculous. Clark was trying to protect Lois by placing a piece of paper over his mouth so he wouldn't torch his love with a fireball. Nothing protects people from a fireball like a piece of paper. Brilliant!
TONY: Boo on you, DC writers! Ventriloquism? Really?! C'mon, man! What's up with the fort? Were the early settlers of Metropolis defending themselves from Captain Jack Sparrow and The Spanish Armada? You're right Superman, Quimby, I mean Kennedy, and Khrushchev would go to a deserted fort to have a meeting with no security. Thou art a tool, Superman. Also, I love how Khrushchev is suddenly fluent in English, which does not seem to cause any suspicion from Superman.
TONY: Hooray for the last panel! The Chameleon Men surrender without a fight? You've got to be kidding me. Boo on you again, DC writers. What a lame ending. Also, I love how Superman can just fly to the 30th Century and return those two dopes to the authorities. While you're in the 30th Century, could you bring back the cures for all modern diseases? Thanks, pal.
Kav & Tony will return next week with another Superman comic to review. Need more Kav & Tony? Check out some previous reviews below:
Kav & Tony Break It Down: Action Comics #311 (Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3)
Kav & Tony Break It Down: Action Comics #312 (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4)
A. Kaviraj is an artist and writer at Champion City Comics. His works include Dr Death vs The Vampire, Doctor Death vs The Zombie, and The End of Paradise.