Saturday, May 26, 2012

KAV'S RULES FOR MOVIES & COMICS PART II

Cops will always lick an unknown powder then proclaim it's drugs. Real cops never do this. They wait for lab results or use the 'turn blue' field test.

Hookers will always have soft hearts, not be the real life nasty selfish chicks they are.

Doctors will stupidly use a defibrillator to start a heart, when in fact a defibrillator STOPS the heart so they can do CPR and get it beating normally again. Screenwriters are too stupid to look up the definition of 'defibrillate'.

Spies in movies will always STARE at the bad guy spy. In reality this is pretty stupid.

James Bond always tells everyone he's 'Bond. James Bond.' Real spies keep their identities secret. Duh.



Teachers in movies will always have only one class. Plus, the class lasts about 5 minutes. Students in movies are always in the class BEFORE the teacher arrives, somehow having keys to the classroom. In movies teachers don't lose their jobs for leaving the classroom unsupervised.

In movies women are always throwing themselves at men. In reality this never happens.

No one ever pays for anything in movies. They don't eat meals placed in front of them either.

Smokers in movies pretend to inhale and never ever exhale smoke. Ever.

The rule of boxing movies is the hero cannot win any fight but the last one.



In karate movies everyone knows karate. The butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker. Everyone.

No matter how hard and how often and with whatever object two people hit each other with it rarely if ever even causes a bloody nose.

Police detectives in movies will respond to service calls, for some reason having their radio tuned to 911 dispatch.

A burning building will only have the walls on fire and NO SMOKE. Remember smoke is what kills most fire victims.

Groups of thugs will only attack the hero one at a time. Bad guys who just saw the good guy demolish 10 other bad guys with ease will not hesitate to rush in and attack. In real life if you drop one bad guy the rest immediately scatter. Believe me.

In horror movies and thrillers cats are always leaping with a screech off cabinets.

In movies and comics any barrier will be impervious to bullets eg a thin tabletop.

Bullets cause sparks whenever they hit something. In real life lead never causes sparks. Neither does copper.

In Star Trek movies deflector screens deflect NOTHING.

90% of aliens are bipedal hominids.

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