Kav: Back in the 60's DC did a survey and kids chose gorillas as their favorite cover feature, so they went way overboard on the gorilla covers. They popped up everywhere. Jimmy Olsen and the science fiction titles seem to have taken the brunt of the damage. Here we see the inevitable final result of this nonsense-Jimmy being forced to marry a gorilla by a Witch Doctor Superman. Many times where there was a gorilla, a witch doctor wasn't far behind. We see Jimmy's new wife already screaming at him about something. Get used to it buddy. Of course Lucy Lane has to be present whenever Jimmy is humiliated. I read a lot of these Jimmy Olsen stories and Superman is always depicted as the trickster character from Joseph Campbell's Hero's Journey. Kinda helpful but mostly not. In 'Midas of Metropolis' Jimmy had to spend a million dollars to get a million in 24 hours. He was down to his last 10 cents, it was Sunday, and everything was closed. Superman just stood there grinning instead of telling Jimmy to put the dime in the parking meter before he gets a ticket. He got the ticket. I've had friends like this. Don't ask me what Superman is stirring in the pot but it's an appropriate image for sure.

Tony: Superman is not only just a witch doctor, but he's the local witch doctor. Hopefully, Jimmy's health care plan has witch doctor Superman in his network. Also, I'm not fully convinced that Supes successfully completed an apprenticeship to earn his degree or certificate or whatever in witch doctoring. Dude probably didn't even do a residency. Why does local witch doctor Superman need a fire when he can boil that pot with his heat vision? I can only imagine the absurd plot that unfolds in this issue.

Erik Roman, the artist for The Red Devil, has contributed a vintage golden age pin-up titled 'Phantom Lady'. This print is available for sale and Erik is available for commission work as an artist, so click to contact Erik.

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Kav & Tony Break it Down is nothing more than two long-time comic book readers making fun of the Golden and Silver Age Superman comics. We understand that these books were written for a juvenile audience but we could not resist reviewing these classics. Please note that no comic books were hurt during the review. 

Kav and I decided to give the Superman and Action Comics titles a break, so this week we are starting our review of Jimmy Olsen #108 titled 'The Midas of Metropolis'.



Kav: OK, we see Jimmy is rich in this story. Of course any rich guy has to sit out in front of a motel watching flamenco dancers on TV with his gold Rolls Royce and a ROCKET in the courtyard.

Tony: It's funny to see Superman flying in with a basket of cash for Jimmy who is dressed like Thurston Howell, III from Gilligan's Island. After reading this first page, it seems to me that Jimmy's crib already rivals that of Master P's crib and MC Hammer's 'Hammer Time' circa 1991. Apparently, Jimmy purchased these items without paying for them first. I guess in the DC Universe one can purchase a hotel, rocket, a gold Rolls Royce, a horse, etc by saying, "I'll take it, and Superman will deliver the cash in the morning".   


Kav: Jimmy is told how hard it is to spend money-guess Washington didn't get  the memo-and that if he can spend a million in 24 hours he gets another million. He can only spend 50 grand max on each item. OK numbnuts-don't screw this up-you need to buy 20 items at $50K each.

Tony: Looks like the 'Gospel of Wealth' philosophy went out the window with this comic book, folks. Also, I have a feeling someone watched or read the novel Brewster's Millions. Instead of doing the right thing like giving money to charity or to his family, Ron Hilton, a millionaire playboy, decides to teach Jimmy Olsen a lesson from the grave. It is the second page and I'm already at a Lewis Black level of rage. It's not hard to spend money, Ron. It's very easy to squander money on useless gadgets and junk. Most of you have watched MTV Cribs and have seen large amounts of cash wasted on Scarface and Kiss memorabilia. I'm amazed that someone wasted time putting a silly game into their will. Jimmy Olsen needs to call Charles Barkley and MC Hammer to see how he can lose a million dollars in 24 hours.   


Kav: I guess Superman wasn't busy in 'another galaxy' because here he is working as a security guard at a dead rich dude's house. Supes explains that he's been asked to guard the money and act as an errand boy for this whole deal. I didn't know you could just ask Superman to do stuff for you. "Hey Supes-can ya squeeze me a bag of high quality diamonds? Oh yeah and go into the earth and grab me a boulder gold nugget". Then Jimmy says, "Great Supey when I need you I'll signal with my watch like"...so....uh, Jimmy? Why did you have to demonstrate to Superman how the watch works-he built the damn thing.

Tony: Thumbs down to Superman for being some dead guy's bitch. Double thumbs down to Jimmy for being the dumbest man on the planet by not breaking the rules to help the needy. Good luck wasting money, Jimmy. Remember, don't give it to homeless shelters, hospitals, medical research centers, orphanages, battered women's shelters, starving children, dying children, the unemployed, non-profits, etc.  


Kav: OK, WTF? Jimmy immediately buys a high end 'wardrobe'. I guess this doesn't count as 'more than one of the same thing' as the rules specified...if so, stop right there Jimmy. Your mission is over. Just tell the owner of that establishment to provide '"one million dollars worth of clothes." OK, then Olsen buys a gold Rolls. This mythical car exists only in comic showrooms, to be purchased by people who just got rich. I know because I went to my local Rolls dealer and there was not a single gold plated model on the lot. So I left. PS the artwork in this issue is stupendous. Look at the last panel man. Great job Curt Swan and George Klein. This was before Google and all those drawings were freehanded.

Tony: Olsen starts with clothes and that's a rookie mistake. Go big, dummy. Buy the mansion, if there is one circa 1950s/60s, in that price range. Make sure that property is located next to a body of water and purchase a few yachts. Once you've purchased a place to live then fill it with the expensive art and high-end furniture and appliances. Then buy one of every car available at the car dealership. Not only can you buy a gold Rolls Royce in the comic book world, but you can purchase art from a public gallery. Nice. I'm sure the person that donated those gifts to your art gallery are pleased that they were purchased by some buffoon who is playing a game with some dead guy's money.  


We'll end there for today, but stop back next time to see what Jimmy does with his millions.

Kav & Tony Break it Down is nothing more than two long-time comic book readers making fun of the Golden and Silver Age Superman comics. We understand that these books were written for a juvenile audience but we could not resist reviewing these classics. Please note that no comic books were hurt during the review. 

Ladies and gentlemen, your response to our last post was incredible, so we've decided to finish up our review of Action Comics #312. Are you not familiar with this series? Fear not because you can catch up with our on-going review of Action Comics #312 by reading part one , part two, and part three of our review.



Kav: Stupidman explains it was all a 'hoax'. Aliens are coming with a bomb and they will demonstrate their power by freezing the ocean, destroying a model city etc. In order to stop a 'global panic' Stupes just told the world instead that HE IS NOW AN EVIL A SUPER POWERED BEING WHO CAN DEMOLISH THE PLANET WHILE PICKING HIS TEETH!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, dumbass-that didn't panic anyone.

Tony: This was some lame backpedaling by the writer of this comic book. This might be worse than the Dallas episode where it was all a dream. If Superman knew the threat was coming then why do all of this nonsense of becoming King of the Earth to avoid telling the truth and starting a so-called panic? Strike "Truth" from Trusth, Justice, and The American Way. He could have used the time he wasted ORGANIZING THE JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA to stop the impending doom. Did he do that? No! He made statues of himself and chased Clark around like a total dope. I would be pissed if I knew Superman was dicking around while a weapon of mass destruction was on its way to destroy everything. Thanks, Superman. Then again, this is a Superman that was developed from the mindless blob of stupidity we call Clark Kent. Remember folks, it was Kent who decided to have his ENTIRE BODY from the head down replaced in a questionable surgical facility (Hi, Doctor Nick!) after being shot by a small-caliber bullet. Stupid + Stupid = Stupid.  


Kav: I'm still speechless from the last page Tony-you better handle this one. Hold all calls.

Tony: And the backpedaling goes deeper and deeper into the realm of awful plot development. Who wrote this garbage? I will say it again: Instead of confronting the aliens, Superman decides to do his King Superman routine because that would be less shocking to the people of Earth than an alien invasion. Who was lamer? Evil Superman or the aliens? Can this get any worse? Wait...    


Kav: AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!!!!!!! Clark's head somehow magically reconstitutes his chopped-off body and merges with Superman!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF??? What happened to the body back in Atlantis, then? Did it 'disappear' at the same exact time? This would really frighten Einstein, Podolski and Rosen! Apparently quantum mechanics means NOTHING to the DC writers. PS I think stupes should have kept the leopard skin trim on his cape, man.

Tony: I had a feeling it would be one of those six panel lets-wrap-it-up-quickly pages. This was awful and we've reviewed some awful Superman comics. So Clark's head melds with "Evil" Superman's body? The Metallo version of Clark's body does not meld, but what happens to the head of "Evil" Superman? It would have been cool if the head was kept in a freezer with Walt Disney's head and Ted Williams' head. Now that's a TV show, folks. Of course the meld happened just in time. Of course Superman stopped the weapon of mass destruction. Of course stupidity prevails. Yay! 


We ended this issue but not the series. Kav said he's got a piece of dung disguised as a Jimmy Olsen comic book for us to review. Joy!

Kav & Tony Break it Down is nothing more than two long-time comic book readers making fun of the Golden and Silver Age Superman comics. We understand that these books were written for a juvenile audience but we could not resist reviewing these classics. Please note that no comic books were hurt during the review. 

Ladies and gentlemen, it has been one month since we last had a Kav & Tony article, and we apologize for the delay. Are you new to our series? Fear not because you can catch up with our on-going review of Action Comics #312 by reading part one and part two of our review.



Kav: This page is a mind-blower. Shot Clark wakes up in Atlantis, after falling into a creek in Midvale park. He wakes up in an operating room for HUMANS, with water lapping the operating table for the Atlanteans. The Atlanteans apparently built this OR just in CASE a human ever needed surgery in Atlantis. Luckily for the Atlanteans, there's a big picture window in the OR so  Atlanteans on the way to the fish market can watch the surgery. We then get a recap of METALLO, one of the dumbest villains ever. His power? He has a piece of green kryptonite in his chest. Why this is more effective than some dude with a piece of green kryptonite in his pocket is beyond me.

Tony: You have to review page eight here to understand the overall stupidity of the characters in this comic book. Clark Kent is shot by the police at point blank range so they can check to see if he's Superman. Somehow Clark "toughed it out" and pretended the bullet's impact did not hurt. MADNESS! I thought page eight was awful but page nine takes the foolishness to another level. I enjoyed the Atlantean swimming by with the serving tray of food with the covers on them so that the food would not get wet. Brilliant. Also in this panel we have the unnecessary back-story of Metallo. The story itself is another rant but who can survive a surgery where they decide to give you a new body FROM THE HEAD DOWN?! Who wrote this junk?     


Kav: Clark's big idea to save his life is to tell the surgeon to remove his body and replace it with a metal body, green kryptonite heart etc. Apparently the state of Atlantean medicine is so advanced that just telling someone about a surgery completely trains them to do the surgery. Also, luckily they had a metal body lying around to attach to Clark's HEAD. Also luckily it is just his size. Med school in Atlantis must take about 10 minutes and go something like this: "Ok students, if someone comes in with an ailment or injury just fix them."

Tony: I had no idea a bullet wound from a small caliber bullet requires having your entire body (sans the head) removed and replaced with a metallic body. Doctors can remove bullets, Clark. Your shot to the abdomen could be easily fixed, but since you're stuck in the land of buffoonery then you must undergo the most complicated and unrealistic surgery ever. Did you notice Clark said something about the people of Atlantis having an ABUNDANT supply of kyrptonite? Why not have a simple surgical procedure and have the Atlantean army target evil Superman with their abundant supply of kyrptonite! Oh no, we can't do that because that is simple and we at DC Comics (circa 1960) have decided to take the most complicated and insane routes to solve a simple problem. Remember folks, the problem here is that Clark has decided to have his body (from the head down) removed and replaced with a robotic body. Earlier in the comic, Clark and Superman became two separate beings, another idiotic idea. How will robotic Clark and Superman form one normal being when Clark fools evil Superman?


Kav: Here we have the scene where I guess you can't sneak up on Superman with green kryptonite unless it's in your chest. A lead box in your pocket wouldn't work.

Tony: Let me think for a moment. Yes, Superman has x-ray vision and could not scan Clark for a bomb or kryptonite. Superman also has excellent vision and hearing and could not see or hear about this plan coming from a mile away. If Superman scanned Clark then he could have blasted him to pieces with his heat vision. Did he do that? Of course not, because Superman uses his powers when the writer feels it is necessary to use them in certain situations. Ugh, I think we have three or four more pages of this book to review. Let's stop here for today, Kav.

We will return with the exciting conclusion of this comic!